Science and Faith
by redandbluetastepurple
Summary: I LOVE the x files and the script :  They're songs kinda remind me of the x files sometimes, so I've written a short oneshot for each song on they're new ish  album Science and Faith :P Please enjoy and review!
1. You won't feel a Thing

You won't Feel a Thing  
by kenikigenikai

Mulder slammed the door angrily, and stormed into his living room. He kicked the coffee table, but barely registered the pain in his foot, all he could think about was his partner. His partner who because of his quest was laying in a hospital bed. Comatose. She had been missing for over two months and had been returned near dead. At the thought of her his hand automatically went to the gold cross, hanging at his throat. He collapsed onto his couch, he then noticed for the first time since his aggressive entry that his radio was on.

_I've been kicked right down._  
_I've been spat in the face._  
_I've been pulled, weighed down to the lowest place._  
_I've been lied to, shamed._  
_I have been disgraced._  
_Been excommunicated from every holy place._

Ain't that the truth, he thought to himself. He was the under dog of the FBI, his carer was in tatters, and so was Scully's. Her carer had been promising at one point, then she'd been partnered with him. It had only gone downhill from there. She could have left, the x files, him, but she hadn't and now her carer was demolished. And, she was on the verge of death. Because of him. Fuck this! He couldn't mope around, Scully needed him. He grabbed the well thumbed file off the table and skimmed through it for the millionth time, his edetic memory had stored every moment he'd spent with Scully, as well as her file but he couldn't bare to think he'd missed anything. Anything at all that could help cure her.

_I've been beat up and robbed._  
_I've been left for dead_  
_For the way I look, for the things I said._  
_And when trouble thinks its found us._  
_The world falls down around us._  
_I promise baby, you won't ever, you won't ever feel a thing._

Nope he agreed, I'll never let anything else happen to you, I'll try and get you to leave, and if you won't I'll protect you, he cared about her more than he'd ever cared about Phoebe or Diana, and he sure as hell would hurt her again. He depended on her, that was the truth, he couldn't live without her, he was hooked and needed her like a drug. He had allowed himself to depend on her so fully, he could barely function without her, he couldn't and wouldn't stand it, but it was Scully and because it was her, he didn't care.

_'Cause I will take it on the chin, eh, for you._  
_So lay your cuts and bruises over my skin._  
_I promise you won't feel a thing, no._  
_'Cause everything the world could throw,_  
_I'll stand in front, I'll take the blow,_  
_For you._  
_For you._

Mulder placed his head in his hands, he would do anything, absolutely ANYTHING to see her eyes again, to save her. He would readily switch places with her in an instance. He'd kill anyone or everything for her and her life. The tears ran down his face and collected in his hand like pools, pools of water. He had often thought Scully's eyes looked like pools of water. Thinking of that long forgotten thought made him cry even harder.

_I've been put on the street._  
_I've been left in the cold._  
_Had my dreams held up,_  
_Had them shot full of holes._  
_I've been laughed at, hurt._  
_Been the butt of the joke._  
_I've been lit up in flames._  
_I have gone down in smoke. _

His whole body was shaking with sobs now, his tears were of pure anguish. He collapsed onto his knees onto the floor. His eyes were level with the table and he caught sight of her picture poking out the file. The FBI had asked for a better picture than they already on her file. They had wrongly assumed the picture came from her mother but it was his. It was of her at a fairground, he had dragged her there only a few weeks before the x files was closed, it was in town where they'd just finished a case. She was sat next to someone who had been ripped out of the photo, she was smiling and laughing and holding the arm of whoever was next to her. He got another copy from a box under his bed, in this he hadn't ripped himself out. His tears fell onto it making it appear like it had been raining when the picture was taken. She fixed his pain, she defended him, _she _protected_ him_, just as much as he protected her.

_I've been stabbed in the back,_  
_While being promised the Earth._  
_Trying to keep my head high, for all I'm worth._  
_Aside I'm double blazing,_  
_I know a war is raging._  
_I promise baby, you won't ever, you won't ever feel a thing. _

The lack of control hit him again. Just like it had all those years ago when Samantha was taken, there was nothing he could do about it even though this time he had a badge and a gun. All the FBI resources weren't going to bring her back, his only hope was to get lucky, to have her life as a gift that was able to be taken back. He'd rather have her back than Samantha. He couldn't comprehend what he'd admitted to himself, he would rather have his partner than his sister, his friend over his flesh and blood. Did this mean he may care about Scully more than Samantha..? Shit, did he love his partner? Mulder let out an ironic laugh, all his relationships had crumbled either because his sister was gone or because of his obsession with finding her. Phoebe and Diana had both stabbed him in the back. Scully was the only one who stood by him.

_And if I fall here_  
_At least you know my dear that_  
_I would die for you._  
_Promise you won't ever feel a thing. _

The songs words pounded deep into his brain, he would die for her, in a second. He hadn't slept in over a fortnight and dropped into a disturbed sleep, plagued by visions of Samantha's abduction, but it was Scully screaming for him to help her rather than his sister. He woke up with his head throbbing painfully, he dry swallowed some tylenol and considered taking the whole packet, going to sleep and never waking up. That didn't seem like a bad idea. Mulder remembered his vow to Scully and threw the packet in the bin in disgust, he would never stop looking for a cure, or for her abductors, extraterrestrial or someone closer to home, not ever.

_Yeah, everything the world could throw,_  
_I'll take the sticks, I'll take the stones,_  
_For you._  
_For you. _

"I'll cure you Scully, I promise" He clenched her cross in his hand and prayed for the first time since he was twelve.


	2. For the First Time

For the First Time  
by kenikigenikai

_She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart_  
_While I'm drinking jack all alone in my local bar_  
_And we don't know how, how we got into this mad situation_  
_Only doing things out of frustration_  
_Trying to make it work but man these times are hard._

Mulder collapsed in the chair. He and Scully had finally settled somewhere, north Texas to be precise. Scully was curled up on the bed crying. Again. She wouldn't let him help her. She blamed herself for giving up William. Every hotel they had stayed at, Scully had cried herself to sleep. He didn't sleep next to her, he didn't touch her. He couldn't. She wouldn't let him.

_She needs me now but I can't seem to find the time_  
_I've got a new job now in the unemployment line_  
_And we don't know how, how we got into this mess it's a gods test_  
_Someone help us cause we're doing our best._

She did need him, but he couldn't figure out how to give her his help, she blamed herself, she wouldn't listen to him. Yes, he wished they still had William, but he loved him as much as she did and wanted him safe. That was what parenting was all about. Putting their needs, their wants, before your own.

_Trying to make it work but man these times are hard_  
_But we're gunna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine_  
_Sit talking up all night_  
_Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah_  
_We're smiling but we're close to tears_  
_Even after all these years_  
_We just now got the feeling that we're meeting_  
_For the first time._

That's it! He'd been gone for six months, then back, barely, for just over two, then he'd been gone again for almost eight months. They thought they knew everything about each other. Maybe they had. Once. They were different people now, they needed to re-connect, re-establish their bond. He slipped out the apartment silently.

_She's in line at the dole with her head held high_  
_While I just lost my job I didn't lose my pride_  
_But we both know how, how we're gonna make it work when it hurts_  
_When you pick yourself up you get kicked in the dirt._

He stood in line for the check out, a cart piled with ice cream, chocolate, cartons of wine, beer and a few bottled of hard spirits. He ignored the worried and disproving looks other shoppers gave him, yes he'd lost his job, yes he was on the run from the law, no he wasn't going to succumb to some sort of prideless way of life. His phone rang. He fumbled for it, only four people had the number: Scully, Skinner, Doggett and Reyes. It was only to be used in an emergancy.

"What? What's happened? Is it Scully? Is she okay?" He asked hurridly

"What? No, it's me Mulder. Where the hell are you?"

"At the store, I'll be back soon."

"Oh, okay...I was scared...I thought they had taken you again."

"I'm sorry Scully."

"It's okay."

"I love you."

"Oh, Mulder."

"Scully?"

"Yeah?"

"Nothing."

The were both silent for a while.

"...I...I love you too...I always have. Always will."

"You don't know how happy I am to hear that."

"See you Mulder."

"Yeah, love you."

"You too."

It was a start he sighed and walked out to the car, groceries under his arm.

_Trying to make it work but man these times are hard_  
_But we're gunna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine_  
_Sit talking up all night_  
_doing things we haven't for a while, a while yeah_  
_We're smiling but we're close to tears._

Mulder opened the door, Scully was curled up on the couch, her red rimmed eyes were blank and empty.

"I brought ice cream." He offered to the silence

"Oh." She replied

"It's cookie dough."

She stared at him silently.

"Your favourite."

"My favourite." She repeated.

He stepped into the small kitchen and spooned generous amounts into two bowls. He plonked them on the tray, then added two glasses and the wine.

"Here we go." He placed a glass in front of her and filled it with wine. He gave her a bowl and a spoon.

"Thanks." She murmured

"Anytime Scully."

She took a small mouthfull. Mulder sat beside her, closer than he would have normally dared. As they ate their ice cream, he snuck his hand onto her leg, and inched closer.

"Scully, I want you to tell me what's upsetting you."

"You know, don't you?"

"I know why you're upset, not why you're blaming yourself."

"I gave him up." She said simply, her eyes tearing up.

"I know, it must have been horrendous, having to protect him and give him up on your own. But however hard it was, it was the right thing to do. You need to stop beating yourself up about it."

"How can I Mulder? I gave up our baby. Our miracle. Our William."

_Even after all these years_  
_We just now got the feeling that we're meeting_  
_For the first time._

"We could still get him back. One day. It could happen. Never give up Scully, not on a miracle."

_Drinking old cheap bottles of wine_  
_Sit talking up all night_  
_Saying things we haven't for a while_  
_We're smiling but we're close to tears_  
_Even after all these years_  
_We just now got the feeling that we're meeting_  
_For the first time_  
_For the first time_  
_Oh, for the first time_  
_Yeah, for the first time_  
_We just now got the feeling that we're meeting_  
_For the first time._

An hour later the box of wine was laying crumpled on the floor, the half empty bottle of vodka was perched on the end of the table, Mulder and Scully both had tear tracks lining their faces, Scully faced him and began to speak.

"I need to live Mulder, I'm going to be okay. I can wait for him, even if it takes a lifetime. I will wait for-"

He swept down and captured her lips with his own, she tasted of ice cream and vodka, it was an intoxicating flavour, her tongue hot and soft forced its self into his mouth, their hands roamed, and their mouths tasted, getting used to each other again, reviving their old spark.

They collapsed onto the floor, tearing away clothes. No words were needed, they knew each other well enough. The made love on the floor, amongst their clothes and the empty wine carton.

_Oh these times are hard_  
_Yeah they're making us crazy_  
_Don't give up on me baby_  
_Oh these times are hard_  
_Yeah they're making us crazy_  
_Don't give up on me baby_

Mulder woke up first the next morning, he watched her naked form, curled around him and smiled. They had reconnected. They would be fine.


	3. Nothing

Nothing  
by kenikigenikai

_Am I better off dead? Am I better off a quitter?_  
_They say I'm better off now, than I ever was with her,_  
_As they take me to my local down the street,_  
_I'm smiling but I'm dying trying not to drag my feet._

Scully was laying in the hospital bed, dying. Slowly. Painfully. And he was out, walking 'round, doing nothing. He couldn't find anything to do, how could he cure a supposedly incurable disease? Could he give up? Would he actually be able too? That was a good question. Would he be able to face Scully, his partner, his friend, his life, and tell her that he was giving up. That he couldn't cure her and was just going to sit next to her and hold her hand while she died. No, he couldn't do that, and they knew that. They-the ones who had abducted her, left her for dead. The ones who had given her this disease. So, he thought to himself, how do you fix this? What do they want? You? No, they could just take you if they needed you that much. Her? No, she was just another means of getting to him? The X-Files? Possibly. But how could he expose them without the x files? Could he save Scully over the human race? Would he? Yes, he would.

_They say a few drinks will help me to forget her,_  
_But after one too many, I know that I'm never._  
_Only they can see where this is gonna end,_  
_They all think I'm crazy but to me it's perfect sense._

He was a little bit drunk, stumbling down the street and into a bar, he drunk shot after shot, trying to forget, if he didn't think, even for just one night, he might live again, not just exist, not just wait for her to live or die. But he couldn't, after each shot his vision became more blurred, his head more fuzzy. But one thing stayed the same, her face in his mind. Standing out bright and vivid against the dark, blurred greys of his other memories, she lit up his life, she gave him hope when he had none. And most importantly she had taken over the role of the one who showed him love, Scully rather than Samantha, or his memories of Samantha. She was going to die, and his selfish part took over. No more Scully, no more love. It was that simple.

_And my mates are all there trying to calm me down,_  
_Cause I'm shouting your name all over town_  
_I'm swearing if I go there now_  
_I can change your mind turn it all around_  
_And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words_  
_And she'll listen this time even though they're slurred_  
_Dial her number and confess to her_  
_I'm still in love but all I heard was nothing_  
_(Nothing, nothing …)_

"Scully." He whispered to himself softly "Scully."

She was dying. All alone in the hospital.

"Scully." He spoke louder "Scully!"

A few other people close to him on the bar looked over.

"Scully!" He shouted "SCULLY!"

"Sir?" The bartender laid a hand on his shoulder. Mulder shook him off.

"SCULLY!" He shoved himself back from the bar, knocking the glasses over.

"Sir! Please, I'm gonna have to call the police if you don't calm down, I'm gonna call you a cab now."

Mulder looked around himself "Scully..."

_So I stumble there, along the railings and the fences_  
_I know if I'm face to face that she'll come to her senses_  
_Every drunk step I take leads me to her door_  
_If she sees how much I'm hurting_  
_She'll take me back for sure._

The taxi arrived and Mulder was ushered out by the bartender.

"Where'd ya wanna go, sonny?"

"Arlingt- No actually, let's go to DC General." He sobered immediately

"You alright."

"Yeah, I'm good."

He arrived at the hospital, it was dark, the nurse was listening to an iPod and reading a paperback. He snuck past with ease, he walked toward Scully's door. What did he hope to accomplish by visiting her after midnight. She would be asleep.

He stepped into her room and crouched by her bedside, she had one had under her head, the other rested by her face. He took her small hand in both of his larger ones, she was cold, he rubbed her hand between his, hoping the friction would warm her up. She looked so helpless.

_Oh sometimes love is intoxicating_  
_Oh you're coming down your hands are shaking_  
_When you realize there's no one waiting._

He didn't notice the tears at first. They streamed down his face, leaving salty tracks in their wake. They grew in intensity, until he had to bite down on the mattress to stop himself sobbing out loud. He pressed a few watery kisses to her hand, how could he have even comprehended living without her, he loved her and needed her. Please! If there is a God, the God Scully believes in, or any other that's listening. Please, please, please help her, save her, take me instead, please, she doesn't deserve to die, she is a perfect being, an angel, cure her, give her life, take mine if need be. Please, for her, and for me.

_Am I better off dead_  
_Am I better off a quitter_  
_They say I'm better off now_  
_Than I ever was with her._

He watched the moonlight bounce off her features, she was beautiful, pale and gaunt, but still beautiful. Always beautiful. Especially to him. He left her in peace. He would cure her, save her, then tell her how he felt. Amen.


	4. Science and Faith

Science and Faith  
by kenikigenikai

_Tried to break her to a science in an act of good defiance_  
_I broke her heart (I broke her heart)_  
_There's a pull up on her theories_  
_there's a watch her growing weary_  
_I broke her heart (I broke her heart)_

"No way Mulder, he's not a vampire!" Scully insisted, getting in the car beside him, still wrapped up in the Sheriff's coat.

"You said it yourself! He admitted it!"

"No, I said he said, that he said that he was a vampire."

"What?"

"He said he was a vampire. That doesn't mean he is one."

Mulder stared at her "He admitted that he was a vampire, how, just what, how, how the hell does that mean that he isn't a vampire."

"Yes, exactly."

"What?"

"What isn't there to understand?"

"I don't know! I mean a guy admits to being a vampire, why can't you accept that he might have been?"

"Why can't accept that he might not have been!" She countered

"Because he was!"

"How do you know?" She shouted "How?"

He wasn't expecting this sort of outrage "I...I don't...I just believe..."

"Well I don't." She replied wearily

_Having heavy conversations about the frivolous_  
_Constellations of our souls oooooh_  
_We're just trying to find some meaning in the things that we believe in_  
_But we got some ways to go._

_Of all of the things that she's ever said_  
_She goes and says something that just knocks me dead._

"Scully-"

"Don't, I can't listen to this."

"But Scully-"

"No, Mulder don't."

"It's not what you thi-"

"Stop."

"Scully..." Mulder pleaded softly

"Fine. Ignore me. Go ahead. You've never cared about my wishes anyway."

"I do. I always do."

She gave him a small smile. He squeezed her knee in an apology.

_You won't find faith or hope down a telescope_  
_You won't find heart and soul in the stars_  
_You can break everything, got the chemicals_  
_But you can't explain a love like ours._

_Its the way we feel, yeah this is real_  
_Its the way we feel, yeah this is real._

"I'm sorry." He offered

"I am too, I didn't mean to shout."

"I didn't mean to upset you."

"I know. I am sorry." She smiled softly at him

"Apology accepted." He started the car "I hope you know that I always listen to you."

"I do."

"Good."

They fell silent. It wasn't awkward. It was a comfortable silence between friends, who didn't need to speak.

_I tried pushing evolution as the obvious conclusion of the start_  
_Anekatips hmmm .. it was all my own amusement_  
_Saying love was an illusion of a hopeless heart_

_Of all of the things that she's ever said_  
_She goes and says something that knocks me dead._

_It's the way we feel, yeah this is real_  
_It's the way we feel, yeah this is real_

"I love you." Mulder offered

"I know." Scully replied

"Y...you do..?"

"Yes, and I love you too."

They smiled at each other for a second.

"That's our turning." She pointed infront of them to the left.

"Okay." The moment was over, but not ruined. Almost as if it had never happened. But they both knew it was real.


	5. If You Ever Come Back

If You Ever Come Back

by kenikigenikai

If your standing with your suitcase  
But you cant step on the train  
Everything the way that you left it I still haven't slept yet  
And if your covering your face now  
But you just cant hide the pain  
Still setting two plates on the counter but eating without cha  
If the truth is your a liar, then just say that your ok  
I'm sleepin' on your side of the bed goin' out of my head now  
And if your out there tryin move on  
But something pulls you back again  
I'm sitting here tryin persuade you like your in the same room.

Mulder stared at her in shock. Salt Lake City? Utah? Scully was leaving the x files. And more importantly him. She couldn't leave, he needed her, he couldn't function without her. He was so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he didn't notice the wetness in her eyes. A single tear rolled down her cheek.

"Oh, Scully." He breathed "I'm sorry." He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close.

She relaxed into his chest, sniffling "...S'okay...I...I...just don't...wanna g...g...go..." She whispered

"I don't want you to either."

"...I'm gonna quit."

"What?"

"I don't want to go. So I'm not, I'm staying here, I'll get a job in a hospital or something."

"Really? Scully you're amazing, if it wasn't for me you'd be head of the pathology department by now!"

"I can't go back Mulder, not now, I love being in the field!"

"Then why not go? If you love being in the field, go to Utah, you need to do what's best for you Scully." He murmured half heartedly. He didn't want her to go, but he knew she should.

And I wish you could give me the cold shoulder  
And I wish you could still give me a hard time  
And I wish I could still wish it was over  
But even if wishing is a waste of time  
even if I never cross your mind.

"I don't know Mulder, I want to go, but I don't want to leave. Leave you."

He sat on the couch and pulled her down next to him.

"But I do think I need to. I need to get away from all the conspiracy's, and all the death. And you Mulder. I need to get away from you, I'm 34, I want to settle down, have a nice life. You take up most of my time, I can't have that any more."

You could settle down with me, he thought to himself, but he knew that wasn't really an option, he wasn't the settling down type. At least not until he found Samantha.

"I'm going Mulder. I'm sorry."

He stared in shock as she rose from the couch. It finally sunk in, she was actually leaving.

I'll leave the door is on the latch  
If you ever come back, if you ever come back  
They'll be a light in the hall and the key under the mat  
If you ever come back  
They'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on  
And it will be just like you were never gone  
They'll be a light in the hall and the key under the mat  
If you ever come back if you ever come back now

Oh if you ever come back if you ever come back now.

"I need you on this Scully." He called after her, he had never openly admitted how much he relied on her, just assumed she knew, like so many other things.

"You don't need me, Mulder. You never have. I've just held you back." She looked at him sadly, tears forming in her eyes "I gotta go."

"You wanna tell yourself that so you can quit with a clear conscience, you can, but you're wrong!" He shouted at her turned back, as she retreated down the hallway.

She turned back, the fire in her eyes glinting "Why did they assign me to you in the first place, Mulder? To debunk your work, to rein you in, to shut you down!"

Mulder glared back, his eyes just as fiery "But you saved me! As difficult and as frustrating as it's been sometimes, your goddamned strict rationalism and science have saved me a thousand times over!" He took a step closer to her "You've kept me honest ... you've made me a whole person. I owe you everything ... Scully, and you owe me nothing. I don't know if I wanna do this alone... I don't even know if I can ... and if I quit now, they win." He looked at her, pleading with her to understand how much he needed her.

She stepped forward and he pulled her into a tight embrace.

Now they say Im wastin my time  
Cause your never comin home  
But they used to say the world was flat but how wrong was that now  
And by leavin my door open I'm milkin everythin I own  
Somethin I can lose in the breakin that you haven't taken.

Mulder pulled back for a second, and looked her in the eye. He saw only sadness, sadness and strenght. He leant down slowly, allowing her to back out if she wanted. Instead of pulling away like he'd thought, she also began to close the distance between them. His lips brushed hers for a second and he was just about to lean in again when she jumped back, clapping a hand to the back of her neck.

"Ow!"

"I'm sorry Scully, I'm so sorry."

She shook her head slightly "Something stung me!"

Oh just remember this, oh just remember this

Ill leave the door on the latch  
If you ever come back if you ever come back  
They'll be a light in the hall and the key under the mat  
If you ever come back anekatips  
They'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on  
And it will be just like you were never gone  
They'll be a light in the hall and the key under the mat  
If you ever come back if you ever come back now  
If you ever come back if you ever come back now

And it will be just like you were never gone

And it will be just like you were never gone

And it will be just like you were never gone  
If you ever come back if you ever come back now

"Somethings wrong"

"What?"

"I'm having lacerating pain-"

Mulder stared as she went weak. He lowered her to the floor, not really hearing any of the mumbled symptoms she was describing. He ran back into his apartment and called 9-1-1.

"I have an Agent down!" He cried running back to Scully's side, clutching her hand and hoping against hope, that she would be alright.


	6. Long Gone and Moved On

**A/N: **I'm really sorry, I haven't updated for AGES! I wrote this in 20 minutes and haven't edited it more than a spell check, so tell me if anything really doesn't make sense :P I'm not even sure how much the fic fits with the lyrics but I hope the story-lines okay. PLEASE REVIEW!

* * *

Long Gone and Moved On

by kenikigenikai

When's the day you start again  
And when the hell does you'll get over it begin  
I'm looking hard in the mirror but I don't fit my skin  
It's too much to take, it's too hard to break me  
From the cell I'm in  
Oh from this moment on  
I'm changing the way I feel yeah  
From this moment on , it's time to get a real.

Scully was on a date. With another man. Mulder wasn't happy about it. She was his...right? Or was she? She _was_ on a date, with a guy he knew nothing about. What if he was a rapist? Or a murderer? Mulder realised his hands were shaking, he was terrified and Scully's date was probably perfectly normal! But what if he wasn't? Could he take that chance? He grabbed the phone and dialled the familiar number, then stopped. He better be sure first. He sat for a minute, just thinking, then dialled another number.

"Hello? Guys? Turn off the tape."

"Mulder, my man!" Langley replied "What can I do for you?"

"Is the tape off?"

"Yes."

"Turn it off Langley."

"Fine." he sighed "It's off now, happy?"

"Very. I need you to do a background check on somebody, for me. Quickly."

"Uhhhhhhh, okay then. Who?"

"Darrel Brooke."

"Why?"

"None of your buisness."

"He's going out with Scully isn't he?"

"But out."

"He is!"

"LANGLEY, JUST RUN THE DAMN CHECK!"

"Okay, okay."

Cause I still don't know how to act  
Don't know what to say  
Still wear the scars like it was yesterday  
But you're long gone and moved on  
Cause you're long gone  
But I still don't know where to start, still finding my way  
Still talk about you like it was yesterday  
But you're long gone, and moved on  
But you're long gone, you moved on.

"Mulder, he checks out okay. Doctor, decent looking, divorced without much animosity. What's your problem? Scully does have a life you know."

"Shut up."

"Jeesh buddy, I'm only trying to help!"

"...fine. Thanks. Bye."

Mulder placed his head in his hands and sighed, they were right, Scully had a life, she didn't owe him anything. He wanted her to have a life, he really did. But with him, not some other guy.

He grabbed his keys and ran to his car. It took him three tries to get the key in the ignition,but once he did he slammed his foot down on the accelerator. He speed down the street, infuriating the other drivers. He pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant and jumped out the car, tearing towards the entrance.

So how'd you pick the pieces up yeah  
I'm barely used to sayin me instead of us  
The elephant in the room keeps scarin off the guests  
It gets under my skin to see you with him  
And it's not me that you're with

He looked inside the restaurant and saw Scully. She had her hair up, and a low cut top on. She was laughing and smiling and had a generally more happy look about her. Did he want to go in there and ruin that? She was happy. Langley was right, she did have a life. A life that didn't revolve around him. He watched her for a few more seconds, taking in her more animated features and storing them in his memory, for future fantasies. Then he left, walking back to his car, preparing himself for another evening alone.

Oh from this moment on  
I'm changing the way I feel yeah  
From this moment on  
It's time to get a real

He was sat in the car, just about to leave when his phone rang. He grabbed it and answered "Mulder."

"Hey."

"Scully?"

"Expecting someone else?"

"What?"

"Don't worry. How'd you feel about giving me a lift?"

"From where?"

"Funny."

"What?"

"Like you don't know where I am."

"..."

"Mulder, I work for the FBI too, I'm paid to notice suspicious behaviour."

"Oh."

"Yeah, so what about this lift then?"

"So what about your date? Does he want a lift too?"

"Darrel? I doubt it."

"What happened?"

"He kissed me. Then tried to take it further. I doubt I'll see him again."

"That bastard!"

"I agree, he won't try it with anyone else soon though."

"What did you do to him?"

"That, is a story for another day. Now are you going to be a gentleman and come collect me from round the the front, or will I have to come find you?"

"Gentleman."

"I'll see you."

"Okay. I'm sorry about your date."

"Mulder, you were never very good at lying."

"Uh...okay."

"I'm not particularly sorry either."

Mulder pulled the car around the front, Scully stood there in only her shirt and skirt. Her skirt was a lot shorter than the ones she wore to work on occasion. The heels were higher too.

"Where can I take you ma'am?"

"Shut up Mulder."

"Shutting up."

He pulled away from the curb and sighed, everything was as it should be, him and Scully together.

No I can't keep thinking that you're coming back, no  
Cause I got no business knowing where you're at, no  
And it's gonna be hard yeah  
Cause I have to wanna heal, yeah  
And its gonna be hard yeah  
The way I feel that I have to get real

"Scully, you should wear that skirt to work."

She raised her eyebrow "I could sue for that comment."

"You never have before."

"No, I haven't." She agreed

But you're long gone and moved on  
But you're long gone you moved on


	7. Dead Man Walking

Dead Man Walking

by kenikigenikai

Mulder sat on the couch and stared into the space in front of him. He had only been back in his apartment for four days. They had released him from the hospital, with a lot of persuasion, on the condition that he spent most of his time with Scully, so she could keep an eye on how well he was healing. Scully. He had never expected to feel the way he felt about her now. He loved her and hated her. He hated her so much his whole soul felt as if it was shrivelling up when he saw her. He knew he shouldn't, she'd had it hard. Harder than he'd had when she was abducted. She felt she should have gone with him. Saved him. Then she'd had to look for him whilst pregnant. Pregnant and alone. Then after months, she finally found him. Dead. If their roles had been reversed he wouldn't have coped. But she had, for the sake of her family and her baby. He really shouldn't hate her, but he did.

I hear the angels talking talking talking,  
Now I'm a dead man walking, walking, walking,  
I hear the angels talking talking talking,  
Now I'm a dead man...  
I hear the angels talking talking talking,  
Now I'm a dead man walking, walking, walking,  
I hear the angels talking talking talking,  
Now I'm a dead man...

He hated her for finding someone else, he never had been able to. He slept with that vampire-woman and hated himself for it. She - on the other hand - had gone and found herself someone else, probably that new partner of hers, and got herself knocked up. Got herself knocked up after she had asked him to help her have a baby. Was that all he was to her? Spunk in a cup...

I see you standing there but you're already gone,

I'm holding your hand but you're barely holding on,

I'm kissin your lips but it just don't feel the same,

Am I dead there now, left living with the blame?

There was a knock on the door. He answered it. It was Scully, in all her pregnant glory. Her nose was red with the cold.

"Hi." She hugged him, he went stiff and didn't return the embrace. She let go and looked him in the eyes "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Don't lie to me Mulder. I know you, you're lying."

"Leave it."

"No."

"You don't want to know."

"Yes I do."

"Stop! Just stop!"

"What? What is it Mulder!"

"Just leave!"

"Please!"

"Fine!" He raised his voice "I hate you. So much I wish I was dead again! I don't even want to see you!"

She recoiled, hurt marring her features "W...what? Why?"

"Why? WHY?" His face was a stone mask.

She stared at him, shocked.

"I hate they way you make me feel! Like a spare part! Like you're only here because you feel you OWE it to me!"

"I want to be here!" She replied, watching him, her eyes moist

"What? Quit watching me! I hate you! Just leave!"

Her face hardened "How come you didn't mention this when we were fucking on your kitchen floor? Or in my bed?"

"You were decent in bed, what can I say?" He really was lying now. She had been FAR more than decent in bed, and he had definitely cared about more than sex in their relationship, but he was counting on her anger clouding her insight into his mind.

"Bastard." She hissed "I loved you. I still do, but I wish I didn't. I fucking well wish I didn't!"

"You never loved me!" Mulder shouted, his temper flaring

"How can you say that?"

"Very easily. I was ABDUCTED! And you went and got yourself knocked up!"

Oh I hear the angels talking, talking, talking,

Now I'm a dead man walking, walking, walking...

Already broken, already gone, already know you're moving on,

I'm a breathing, talking, dead man, walking,

Already see it, in your face, already someone, in my place,

I'm a breathing, talking, dead man, walking.

"WHAT?" She yelled "IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT! YOUR FRAGILE FUCKING EGO!"

"MY EGO! NO, IT'S ABOUT THE FACT THAT I TRUSTED YOU AND THEN THE SECOND I WAS OUT THE PICTURE YOU GO FIND SOMEONE ELSE! YOU ASKED ME TO HELP YOU HAVE A CHILD! THEN YOU GO FIND SOMEONE ELSE! I DIDN'T REALISE ALL I WAS TO YOU WAS SPUNK IN A CUP!"

"YOU NEVER WERE! I TOLD YOU! I'VE LOVED YOU FOR YEARS, I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT 20 MINUTES BEFORE I FOUND OUT YOU WERE GONE!" She was sobbing now, tears streaming down her face "I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH YOU KNOW ABOUT BIOLOGY, BUT AN HOUR ISN'T LONG ENOUGH FOR ME TO GET MYSELF 'KNOCKED UP'!"

"W...what?" He whispered "You were already pregnant..?"

"YES!" She screamed

"Oh...god..."

"EXACTLY." She grabbed her things and slammed out of his apartment

He pulled himself together and ran after her. She moved bloody fast for a pregnant woman. He dashed into the parking lot, her car was gone. His blood turned cold. She was hysterical. She shouldn't be driving. He threw himself into his car and drove as fast as he could in the direction of her apartment.

I hear the angels talking, talking, talking,  
Now I'm a dead man walking, walking, walking,  
I hear the angels talking, talking, talking,  
Now I'm a dead man...

He only had to drive 50 yards before he found her car. She was parked on the side of the road. He walked up next to her, she had her head in her hands and was sobbing, her shoulders were shaking violently. He opened the door. She peered up at him through red rimmed eyes "Go away." She hissed "Leave me alone."

"I'm sorry."

"Go. I don't want to see you."

"I'm sorry Scully." He took her hand

"No. Just leave. Please!" She tried to snatch it away but he held on. She dissolved back into tears.

He took advantage of her hysteria, and picked her up. She struggled, but he kept hold of her. He took her around to the other side of her car and placed her in the passenger side. He got back round to the drivers seat and drove away, back to her apartment.

We're in the same room just one million miles away,  
With all these books around but we ain't go two words to say,  
Am I a dead man now, left living with the shame?

He pulled up outside her apartment building and got out. He walked around to her side and opened the door "Scully, I'm so, so sorry."

"Please go Mulder, let me grieve the old you in peace."

"What?"

"When you were dead I grieved, I undid all of that when they found you, and now I need to grieve the old you, the one I loved." She pulled herself from the car.

"Scully!"

"Please!" She walked up to her building, he chased after her

"Don't! Please! Scully!"

"No Mulder, you hate me remember? So go, stop pretending to care!"

"I do care!"

"No you don't. Please Mulder, if you still have any feelings for me whatsoever, leave." She was sobbing again now

"That's why I can't leave! I never hated you, I hated how I felt. I couldn't quite comprehend living without you, I thought you had someone else and I was jealous, horribly jealous. I'm sorry Scully. I love you!"

She shook her head sadly "No Mulder, you don't."

I'm already broken, already gone, already know you're moving on,  
I'm a breathing, talking, dead man walking,  
Already see it, in your face already someone, in my place,  
I'm a breathing, talking, dead man walking,  
I'm a breathing, talking, dead man walking.

He watched her walk inside the building. He felt sick to his stomach. He had managed to convince the one person he loved most in the world that he hated her. He took out his phone and rang her apartment. It went straight to answerphone, she obviously taken it off the hook.

He looked at the phone in his hand and made his decision. He jogged in the direction of the front door.

He let himself in, Scully was sat on the floor sobbing, he sat down next to her. He tried to pull her into his arms but she resisted. He watched her cry for a few minutes longer, then pulled her into his lap - ignoring her protests. He wrapped his arms around her, and she crumpled into his embrace. He pressed kisses to her hair and whispered apologies in her ear.

I hear the angels talking, talking, talking,  
Now I'm a dead man walking, walking, walking,  
I hear the angels talking, talking, talking,  
Now I'm a dead man...

Eventually she calmed down enough to speak "Mulder, I can't cope if you go again, if you don't really love me, if this is something to do with your concience, leave, I told you during the IVF, I never wanted you to be more than you wanted to be to this child. The same still applies."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"For sure?"

"100 percent."

"Thank god." She turned around and kissed him' passionately.

He kissed her back holding her close to himself.  
I'm already broken, already gone, already know you're moving on,  
I'm a breathing, talking, dead man walking,  
Already see it, in your face, already someone in my place,  
I'm a breathing, talking, dead man walking.  
I'm a breathing, talking dead man walking...

**Epilogue** - The baby's cries roused Mulder from his slumber. He checked, his wife was still asleep. She was exhausted. He got up and walked sleepily into the nursery. The baby wailed pittifully "Shh baby girl"

The baby ignored his pleas.

"Shh you'll wake your Mom up."

Still she cried

"Hush little baby, now don't you cry..."

She screamed more, until Mulder thought his head would split in two, William walked in "Dud-day, why is da bubb-ay cryin'?"

"I don't know buddy."

William walked over to the crib "Don't cwy Miss-ee!"

She snivelled and blew a snot bubble out of her nose.

"Ewwwwwww!" William chortled

Melissa giggled. Mulder stared at his children in shock "How did you do that?"

"What?"

"Don't worry." Mulder grinned at him

"WHAT!" William asked

"Shh, Mommy's asleep."

"Not any more." Scully was stood in the doorway

"Oops." William muttered, looking up shiftily at his father

"It's alright honey."

Mulder looked down at his daughter, who was now fast asleep. William was in Scully's arms. dosing on her shoulder. He stepped next to her, slipping his arm around her waist. To think he'd thought she'd found someone else, if he hadn't tried so hard to fix the tatters of their broken relationship they wouldn't be standing there, their own little family around them.

* * *

**A/N: **So, yeah, I hope you like this... I do, it's one of my favourite in this series :P **ENJOY AND REVIEW!**


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